The suicide of parents of #TAKEN children is high.
In the five years I've been advocating I have known at least a dozen parents that took their own life.
When everything is taken from you and you are subjected to the purposeful degradation and humiliation that we are subjected to by the very caseworkers that are assigned to help us.....well, let's just say that hope falters.....and death seems to be a sweet release.
No services or counseling are ever offered to the parent of a #TAKEN child. Once the goods are gotten....that parent is discarded like the trash. Parents are left with the incalculable loss of living children....family walks away, society is brutal in its assessment and death comes near as a sweet release from constant pain and depression.
My own near suicide at the loss of my beloved grandson Jake....caused me even further trauma from the guilt associated with suicide and fear of seeking help because I was sure it would affect my case.
I had family members tell me they were sorry I failed....sorry I had lived....and I should try again. To live each day knowing that I had failed Jake by not bringing him home, and that children I had given birth to were hoping that I would die....took me closer to that moment of despair.
The realization that no matter how many services I completed....were going to make absolutely no difference....Stephanie Williams had chosen Jake for adoption....and no matter what I did.....Jake was lost to us forever.....caused me to come within seconds of ending my life.
Gratefully my brother stopped me, within seconds of the act.
I found a counselor who saw me weekly and was available by phone at any time. That 2 year period were my darkest.....clinically depressed, not sleeping....I thought often of the sweet release of death.....how pleasant it would be to never have to hurt again....to not have to cry again....that surely death was the only possible solution for me.
The stigma of being a parent who had their children #TAKEN means you are somehow undeserving of any type of happiness is the fundamental wrong of the corrupt family court process. Treated as a pariah for the rest of your life by friends, family and society is more than some of us are able to handle.
This intentional phycological warfare on the part of caseworkers is well planned, methodical and has ended the lives of some very special and wonderful people.
Sometimes a drug overdose is the method used and so those cases are often not counted as suicides....as in the case of #DaniellaPride....her journey to her death so poignant.....tears still well up in my eyes as I think of her grief and loss at the hands of family members. Just another junkie dead....but this junkie was my friend and she loved her children....of that I have no doubt.
Even today.....five years later....I struggle with situational and clinical depression.
My daughter in laws(one an ex caseworker) post my personal information on their pages, my arrest information(they disregard the fact that the felony child abuse charges were dropped 2 days after Jake was adopted), and they continue to alienate the other grandchildren from me....furthering my depression.
All part and parcel of this societal need to continue to convict me....even though a jury never would have. It begs the question, "what have we come to as a society?"
My isolation by family members is not unique. I hear from other parents and grandparents who have suffered the exact same thing....from family members, the court, caseworkers and society in general. It is a disgusting display of inhumanity....and people are dying because of it.
Still....thoughts of death are my ever present companion....the idea that when I close my eyes for the last time....I will finally be free of this particular pain....has never left my mind....nor do I expect it will.
I operate solo in life now by choice....it's less painful than loving. As my family rejected me....I in turn rejected each of them....closing those doors forevermore....gratefully and numbly accepting this pathway as that of the least possible pain for me.
I spend my days fighting for a fair family court process, assisting #FamilyOfOrigin with their grief, teaching parents who want to learn how to fight for their children and waiting for the day when this pain will not be my companion anymore....the day of my death.
You see.....this pain never heals. Never stops. Never gets better. Never goes away. This particular sadness is a life sentence. This particular grief has no healer.
No matter how many #TAKEN children I reunite with their family.....I still didn't save Jake....and so it goes. A ugly and vicious cycle. It's no wonder parents are taking their own lives and society steps over their corpses without so much as a raised eyebrow or a second thought.
Fighting the corruption has kept me alive. Hunting for #TAKEN children and reuniting them with family has somehow saved my life. For that I am grateful.
If you know of a #FamilyOfOrigin in crisis.....PLEASE....take a few minutes to listen, guide and be there for them....your kindness could save a life.